I wrote this a few days after my birthday, but haven’t posted it yet, so here you go…
15. Well, really the teen years in general. That season in life of learning to drive, loaded course work, bank accounts, hormones, and learning who you are. They’re fantastic. Yeah, not really.
Not gonna lie. I’ve always been the kid who was more adult than child. And to some people, that blew them away, while others didn’t know what to make of me. But thinking like an adult when you’re six comes with its own challenges. Namely the weight of the world.
The older I get the more scared. I’ve had to let go of the future, and release myself from the past. I’ve needed to realize that yes, I need to be thinking about it, but I can let it go and give to God the unending debate of do I go to college? do I not? Or worse yet, What about after college? Just to name a few.
But even more than that, what scares me most (well sort of), is that with every year that passes, the more I feel that I’m losing the chance to let go and just be. I’m scared that I’m watching the time that I can have a child-like peace slip away.
I’m still learning how to let things go. And how to let God handle things. I’ll probably always be learning that. But I want to be able to do what I need to accomplish, but at the same time, remember that things will be okay even if I don’t.
I have a lot of goals and dreams. But this year my wish is to relax, and take off the pressure I’ve put on myself to have it all together – because I don’t. I want to let go and hand to God what He’ll do better with anyway. Living life to the fullest, being present, and hopefully being a joy (no, this is not a pun) to others.
Not all smiles, but all hopes, –Joy Rachel