Let’s talk about the fear of being misunderstood for a second.
I want you to think about what’s holding you back from doing what you want to do most? I know for me I often look back and see that it’s because I don’t want people to take what I say and twist it.
What keeps me from songwriting? All of the debates about song theology, genre stereotypes, and people just completely taking things out of context. I’m so tired of hearing such and such about this artist, or this is so bad about that genre. But that’s another (and much longer) story for some other time.
What keeps me from speaking on stage? Worrying about my enunciation or that later someone will talk to me assuming I meant this, or because I didn’t say that. Seriously, you would be amazed how much people can pick you apart.
What keeps me from speaking up? Not wanting to be disrespectful of those older than me. I’m always worried that in a certain town I’m supposed to call adults by their titles instead of just their first names. Or that kids aren’t expected to speak at the dinner table. I’m so concerned that people’s preconceived ideas will cause them to misinterpret what I’m sharing.
What keeps me from talking about my passions, dreams, and interests? I know what assumptions people make about content creators without really understanding what they do. I know how people often react to a driven teenager (they just don’t know what to make of us). I know how people misunderstand things because of overused language and terms.
Also ever notice that adults always feel the need to commend you for what you’re doing, then tell you something else that you need to be doing? I can’t even tell you the number of times someone has given me unsolicited vocal or life advice when 1) they are a complete stranger, I don’t know them 2) they assume they know the whole story when there’s really a lot going on behind the scenes and under the surface. And sometimes I’m still expected to heed what they’re saying even though I have no real reason to.
What keeps me from going up and talking to people? Taking the conversation deeper? Fear that I’ll say something wrong or that they won’t like me. Or just assume that I’m a certain way.
Do you know what really scares me? Knowing that everything I say someone might hold against my family. Now, let’s say in an alternate world, if my parents were a builder and an accountant, it wouldn’t be so bad (not that I would change things that drastically). But in my situation, where my family’s livelihood and lifestyle revolves around the ministry, when sometimes people can take things out of context, misunderstand, and twist things so much, it’s terrifying that if I say something that one person (which always sets a chain reaction) doesn’t like, it affects how we’re received.
The fear of being misunderstood I think is more common than I often realize. It holds us back more than we know. Have you ever left a situation and wished you had said something? Recently, I’ve realized just how shy I’ve become. Naturally, I’m a people person, but in part due to circumstances (hey, it’s not uncommon for me to be in varying American cultures), I’ve become so reserved. My speech and the meaning of my words have become unclear. I’ve started to become what people might naturally expect of a teenager: not the best conversationalist, and has a hard time relating to adults. I’ve seen this in myself more and more, and I don’t like who I’ve started to become. It’s not who I am, and it’s not who I’m called to be.
If you struggle with the fear of being misunderstood, like me, let me tell you this. You’re not helping your situation by staying quiet. Have you ever been in a stalled conversation (unless you’re a unicorn you have)? Just ask a random question that goes deeper. No one is paying more attention to what you do and say as you. And if they are, it’s not your problem.
If you’re not willing to be your true self, then who are you? If you’re scared and stay in a shrunken bubble how can you serve God? He gives each and every one of us something different to bring. Each person sees the world a little differently. Awkward moments are unavoidable, and they’re short-lived. If we stay stuck in our heads we end up just creating more embarrassment, because we become unaware of what goes on around us.
Let me encourage you to be who God made you to be. Chase Him, serve Him, and let go of the rest. Other people’s thoughts aren’t on your shoulders. No matter what, you will be misunderstood at times. Jesus was. There will be people who simply don’t like you, even if there is no reason, and that’s ok. Sometimes you might completely fall on your face, just shake it off. Those who are really with you won’t leave just because of a single misunderstanding. And if things really blow up and go south, be willing to talk about it. Clarify when necessary. Realize that everything you say won’t be profound, and that not everyone will see and appreciate your perspective, but don’t let that hold you back.
A word about unsolicited advice: It’s just that unsolicited. Dictionary.com defines unsolicited as not asked for: given or done voluntarily. You didn’t ask for it. Ask yourself if you should be listening to this person? Have they earned a place in your life? Often times the answer is no. Be okay with that. And ask for advice from those you know, trust, and look up to. Coming from someone whose favorite thing is being asked their advice or opinion on a situation, it will lift the other person up so much, and reminds you that you have people on your side. You’re not on your own.
All of this being said. Don’t be scared to be the real, raw, unlike anybody else, YOU. Speak up. Speak out. Reach out. Follow God. Chase truth. Seek to love. Make an impact, because you can, and you do.
Much love,
-Joy Finn